He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
