What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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