How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
