goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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