Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
