My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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