Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
