just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
