the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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