2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
