remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
