Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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