It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
