my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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