oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
