I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
