As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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