I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
