Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
