you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
