There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
