You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
