Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
