eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
