You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
