Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
