it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
