i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
