So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Actions speak louder than pants.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
