woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
