Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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