just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
