Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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