R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
