why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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