Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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