okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
