Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
