You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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