Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
