sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
