So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
a search helicopter?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
