Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Come on in and take your pants off
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