We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
