WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
