I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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