He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
