I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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