my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
