Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
