i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
